Desperate for God, His presence, and move within my life. 

My Christian walk has been a long and crazy one.  I accepted Jesus Christ as Lord and Savior at the age of 13.  The sad part is not everyone would have guessed that about me.

The idea of me being a woman of God may even be odd to some who have known of me in the past.  Some of the decisions that I have made in the past concerning other people who have come into my life have not always been the wisest and for that I apologize. 

There were periods of my life where there was hardly any reflection of the fact that I was a Christian.  One time in particular was during my first semester of college back in 2005. 

Drinking and nights roaming Atlanta spending hours away from my dorm room were a far cry from the life that I should have been living as a “Child of God.” The only evidence of my Christianity were the moments of solitude drenched with tears as I “repented” for the sins that I would continue to commit until they began to catch up with me.

But in this moment I come face to face with the life that God has been placing before me all along to live. 

A life of crucifying the flesh, and giving full submission to God and His Will.  I face the crumpling of my flesh as I choose to lay down my life for others and submit to my love walk, following the example of Christ.

I do not desire to sound somber in this.  Though things are not easy, I receive my call to a life in Christ with joy.  I am assured that God knows the plans that He has for me, and they are for a hope and a future. (Jer 29:11)  I know that Christ came that I may have life and life more abundantly. 

In no way am I losing by choosing to lay aside the gratification of the desires of my flesh.  I am gaining a life of excellence and personal intimacy with God.

I am desperate for You….

I am lost without You God….

Thank you for hearing my cry…..

As I get older and mature I realize more and more the difference between what I can and can not change within my life. 

I believe the best realization that someone can come to in their life is that, though they may not be able to change their current outward circumstance, they have the power to change their attitude towards it and perception of it.

Through various situations that I have encountered over the pass few years I’ve learned that I could change the way I live through circumstances by changing my attitude towards them. 

We can either operate on a positive or negative wave link. 

Though by just looking at my situations it seemed as though I did not have the power to change them, I still had a choice of whether or not I lived through it positively or negatively.

A few years back I made a decision to live through every circumstance in my life positively.  How did I do it?  I began to be thankful.

Thanksgiving is a positive tool to change a person’s perception. 

Here’s an example:  Say a person of adult age has no job, no car, and has to live at home with their parents for some reason or the other.  They could mumble and complain about their circumstances. They could view their circumstances as terrible, fight with their parents, and fall into depression because of all they don’t have or they could be thankful. 

Now if this person is thankful they would view their circumstances like this:  I am thankful for a place to lay my head, an opportunity to have a first start, and the health and strength to get up and some way, some how press forward to see a change in my circumstances.  I am thankful for everyday because everyday I am closer to a new season of my life.

It is obvious that thanksgiving has the power to develop faith.  Faith is a positive perception of an unseen future.  It is not based upon current circumstances.  It is based upon the positive opportunities in every circumstance that can only be seen through the lenses of thanksgiving.

We must realize that our attitude and perception play a major role in the way that we live our lives.  They can change our way of thinking, and our way of thinking changes the way we live.

When we change the way we live…we change the outcome of our circumstances.

Let’s have the courage to change our attitudes so that the things that we can not change are turned into positive opportunities to produce a limitless future.

–Steph

I received a reality check while sitting at my desk multi-tasking.  I was typing at the computer with my Bible opened in front of me referencing some scripture.  Beside it sat my BlackBerry and headphones.  I slide them on and continued a session of listening to Pandora Radio, but when I looked down something just wasn’t right.

Beside my Bible, on the display screen of my phone, appeared a bear chested Trey Songz….  I let him sing to me as I flipped through a couple of pages of scripture…

Pause…’

Immediately I sensed my compromise.  Most would say that listening to music, regardless of what it is, is not a reflection of where you are in your walk with God or your level of conformity to His Will. You may have a point but this is not the direction I seek to take this.

What I seek to point out is our lack of sensitivity to the area of sexual sin. 

How many of us have an awareness that lust and sex outside of marriage is sin but still seem to push pass that in order to indulge ourselves in sensual pleasure whether it be in action or thought?

The answer is many….(me included….do you think I would listen to Trey Songz if some part of me didn’t enjoy the idea of what he’s singing….Oops sorry…)

This sad truth is reflected in the adultery, fornication, and bondage of lust that is found amongst those who are a part of the Body of Christ….

“Do you not know that your bodies are members of Christ himself?  Shall I then take the members of Christ and unite them with a prostitute?  Never!  Do you not know that he who unites himself with a prostitute is one with her in body?  For it is said, ‘The two will become one flesh.’ But he who unites himself with the Lord is one with him in spirit.”  1 Corinthians 6:15-17

Bear with me for a moment. 

Recently I have been confronted with the area of “delight.”  I asked myself, ‘What do I truly delight myself in?”  Is it in the Lord and is law and statutes?

I believe that this can be connected to the struggle that many Christians face in the area of sexual sin. 

We conform to carnality by delighting ourselves in the idea of sensual gratification over delighting in what God has put in place as the standards for His people.

Our delight is in sensual pleasure but because we are (suppose to be) Christians we fight it….But when we fight it, we fail.

Why?

Because the Word says for us to ”Walk in the Spirit so that we will not walk in the Flesh.” 

The issue is if I am delighting myself in the idea of fulfilling sensual pleasure I’m already set up for failure.  My thoughts, my desires, my longings….or whatever are connected to this “delight,” and my “Christianity” only serves as an attempted restraint on what I really want. 

BUT if my delight is in the Lord my thoughts, my desires, my longings will be directed towards Him.  If it is engraved on my heart to delight myself in the Lord  my love for Him and His Word sets grounds for me to walk in the Spirit…not in the flesh.

“I delight myself in the Lord…on His Law do I meditate day and night.”

Hopefully, I’m not losing you with this.

I feel as though because we often look at our Christianity as just a leash on our flesh it puts us in a position to lead a double life.  Hence the title of this blog: The Christian and the Sexual alter-ego. 

I have had many conversations about and have known of many situations where there was a confession of faith and acceptance of Jesus Christ as Savior but at the same time an active conformity to sexual sin…. In action and/or in a person’s thought life.

Praying, fasting, worshiping, but at other points sinking into the shadows of lust, and perversion.

We must receive the revelation that God does not desire for us to be restrained in our “natural desires” in a sense that we are being punished or deprived in this area in order to be true Christians.

He seeks to for us to experience the fulfillment of those desires in the proper boundaries.  He desires for us to be protected from consequences that accompany indulging in sensual pleasure outside of the proper place.

Simply understand that every command and direction that is given by Him through His Word is produced out of love. 

Delight yourself in that love, and do not feel as though God is robbing you by commanding us to wait, and free our bodies and minds from this bondage. 

 God does not command us to do anything that He has not given us the power to overcome.

What’s been on my mind?  Everything….Every aspect of my life has raced through my mind and there is no way that a person can have so much on their mind without feeling a sense of overload.

Finances, career, furthering my education and training after undergrad, parenting, relationships and marriage, the list can go on and on.  But the area that has been screaming for my attention despite my efforts to place it to the side is friendship, love, relationships, and marriage. 

I’m not in a relationship.  I’m not getting over any recent relationship.  I’m not lonely.  I’m not dating and do not have a desire to pursue a dating situation, but for some reason this area of my life is asking for my attention. 

What has been my response to it?

Prayer…. Plain and simply prayer has been my response. 

After experiencing detours and dead ends in the area of love and relationships I have no desire whatsoever to place myself on an emotional journey of attachment and detachment.  Not every situation that I have experienced has been bad. In some cases it was just a matter of two people going different directions or not taking enough time to examine long-term compatibility before making a commitment to being in a relationship. 

As a result of the growth I’ve experienced in my relationship with God I have become more and more sensitive to ensuring that I position myself so that God can reveal His Will for my life.   The area of relationships is for sure an area that I want to see Him move.

The “issue” is I’m still human.  In no way do I seek to present “being human” as an excuse for mediocrity and a lack of self-control but the fact still remains I have flesh to kill. 

As soon as someone mentions flesh in the area of relationships, people assume that your referring to sex. No…what I mean is purging myself of the fleshy desire to take relationships into my own hands. 

What I mean is submitting my thoughts to Christ so that I am freely able to operate as a sister in Christ to any and every brother that I have in Christ. 

What I mean is allowing the Holy Spirit to direct me in being a true friend to someone of the opposite sex rather than examining if he is a potential romantic partner. 

That’s not my job.  That’s not my place….It is God who will reveal when it is time to take a friendship into a relationship that will lead into marriage….

“Daughters of Jerusalem, I charge you: Do not arouse or awaken love until it so desires….” Song of Songs 8:4

hummmmm….. forehead slap

If it were only that simple…

Society has conditioned the sexes to view one another in a romantic sense first instead equipping them to operate in platonic relationships. 

If there is attraction there is probing of romantic potential first, than friendship later…maybe….

Anyway…plain and simply this has been on my mind.  I’m not going to lie.  I do feel my heart pulling me with the desire but I also feel the Holy Spirit locking me down in this area like never before. Hence me feeling as though I got drop kicked in my soul one day by the conviction of the Holy Spirit when I even hinted at flirting with someone.

This is new to me…

to be continued….